Parinaz Shams| Spiritual Mentor For Women
Life has a way of taking us to our edges.
We find ourselves in situations that challenge our courage, our strength, and our very identity. It's during these moments of friction that we truly discover what real courage is and we're able to grow...in my experience, real growth always comes from friction.
A friend once said to me, "I hope you have the courage to let go of what's no longer serving you".
These words have stayed with me for years, a reminder of a pivotal moment in my life when I was experiencing betrayal like none other and needed to choose my courage in order to keep surviving and trust again after heartbreak.
The Disappearing Act:
Rewind to 2015. I was living with a guy that I was crazy about. It all seemed great - it was a busy time of life; I was in graduate school, working a lot but happy. He was working and it seemed like we were a real team...
It wasn't all rainbows and butterflies. We started fighting more and more because he seemed so distant suddenly. It was like I couldn't read him or reach him...I felt unnerved by it all, but he always said everything was "fine".
Well, it came to a head one weekend when he literally vanished for three whole days. I called and texted, he wouldn't answer.
After the first night, I was in complete turmoil and distress. My nervous system was in disarray, and I was a live wire of emotions. I couldn't eat, I couldn't think straight, and I felt utterly lost.
On top of this, I felt trapped, unable to talk to anyone about my predicament, because we were supposed to be this picture-perfect couple.
When he finally reappeared, after three whole days, the truth came to light: he had been cheating on me with a mutual friend and co-worker.
The emotions I experienced were beyond description. I was a whirlwind of confusion, hurt, and anger. I felt every emotion in the book, and yet, I was numb at the same time.
I couldn't stomach it. The vision for my future vanished in one weekend. The shame, guilt, and anger I felt knowing that people around me (particularly my mother) would be right...she always thought he was hiding something and I ran to his defense for years.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of my life. My heart hurt. I cried myself to sleep at night. I was so angry, but also so sad. And I was angry that I was sad. Shouldn't I just be mad at him?
Well, if you've ever been in this situation or one like it, you know it's not so black-and-white as that. You're mad, but you also loved that person and poured all of yourself into building a life with them...it's hard to walk away from that.
A Friend's Wisdom:
One day the following week, as I dragged myself into work, still carrying the weight of my crumbling relationship, a friend and co-worker noticed I looked like hell.
She pulled me aside and said "Whatever's going on, I hope you have the courage to let go of what's not serving you."
In that moment, something shifted within me. I began to realize that I had the power to change my situation.
The Courage to Let Go:
It might seem impossible to extricate yourself from a relationship when you live together and your life is deeply entwined.
However, that's where the real courage comes into play. I didn't want to let go of the life we had just a week before, but I understood that what's not right for you will eventually break down, because you're meant for more, even if you can't see it at that moment.
That night, I started searching for a new place to live.
It wasn't easy; I had to swallow my pride and embark on a long journey of healing and self-discovery. I knew I needed to figure out how to make myself feel whole again.
Leaving that relationship that day felt like the hardest thing ever. But really, it was just the beginning...
The Real Challenge:
What I learned through this experience is that leaving isn't actually the hardest part that requires the most courage.
The real challenge is learning to trust yourself again and believe in your sound judgment in the next relationship. Heck, learning to trust yourself in general after a situation like that takes a lot of deep healing and inner work.
In my case, it took eight years to rebuild my courage and learn how to trust my instincts, to listen to my gut, and not give in to triggers and past memories.
Tools for Rebuilding: Healing from Within
Recovering from a tumultuous relationship and regaining your self-trust is a journey that often requires more than just time and distance.
It involves embracing various tools and practices that help you reconnect with your inner self, release emotional baggage, and cultivate the courage to build a healthier future.
Here's how I harnessed the power of Somatic Healing Yoga and Tantra Meditation to heal not just from one specific relationship but also to break free from the karmic cycles that had kept me stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships.
1. Somatic Healing Yoga: Somatic healing yoga is a deeply transformative practice that focuses on the connection between your mind and body.
It encourages you to become attuned to the sensations and emotions within your body, offering a trauma-informed way to address past wounds.
When I began my journey of self-discovery, I started practicing somatic healing yoga under the guidance of a knowledgeable mentor and eventually became certified in this powerful healing modality.
In somatic healing yoga, you learn to recognize and release physical tension and emotional stress held within your body.
The practice helps you access and process deep-seated traumas, making it an invaluable tool for healing from past relationships.
By engaging with your body in a compassionate and understanding way, you can unravel the knots of past experiences and reclaim your sense of self.
2. Tantra Meditation: Tantra meditation is another profound practice that focuses on the integration of body, mind, and spirit. Over five years, I diligently worked with a knowledgeable teacher to delve into the depths of this ancient tradition. Tantra meditation goes beyond the superficial and encourages a holistic understanding of oneself and one's relationships.
Through tantra meditation, I learned how to connect with my own energy and, in doing so, gain a deeper awareness of my desires, fears, and emotional triggers.
This practice helped me break free from the karmic contract – the repetitive energy cycles that kept me entangled in destructive relationships.
By tapping into the transformative power of tantra, I not only healed from the past but also redefined my relationship with myself and others.
Self-Compassion and Self-Care: Healing isn't just about adopting specific practices; it's also about fostering a deeper sense of self-compassion and self-care. I learned to treat myself with kindness and patience, recognizing that the journey of self-discovery and healing can be arduous. Self-care became a non-negotiable part of my daily routine, whether it was through nurturing my physical health, seeking therapy, or simply taking time to relax and reflect.
Reconnecting with My Essence: The journey to regain self-trust and find the courage to move forward often involves a profound reconnection with your essence. Through the combination of somatic healing yoga, tantra meditation, and self-compassion, I began to peel away the layers of conditioning and societal expectations. I discovered my true self, my desires, and my boundaries, which in turn empowered me to make healthier choices in relationships.
Breaking free from the karmic cycles that had plagued my past relationships required a shift in consciousness and a deep understanding of the energetic patterns that kept me trapped.
Through Tantra Meditation and Somatic Healing Yoga, I explored my patterns, released the emotional baggage, and reclaimed my power and self-trust that manifested healthier relationships.
Courage isn't just about leaving; it's about finding yourself and having the faith to trust your judgment again.
It's about realizing that you're meant for more, even when your world crumbles.
It's about rebuilding, healing, and growing. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to let go of what's not serving you, remember that you have the power to do it.
The journey to rebuilding after a traumatic relationship is a deeply personal one, and it can take time, effort, and a commitment to self-discovery.
I found solace and empowerment in the practices of somatic healing yoga and tantra meditation, which allowed me to heal not just from one specific relationship but also from the karmic cycles that had kept me stuck in unhealthy patterns.
By reconnecting with my body in a trauma-informed way and nurturing my inner self, I discovered my True Nature. I discovered how courageous, loving, and kind I am – I discovered the courage to trust myself, believe in my judgment, and create a healthier, more fulfilling future.
So, if you find yourself on a similar path of healing and self-discovery, consider exploring these transformative practices, and remember that the journey is not only about letting go of what no longer serves you but also about embracing the beautiful, resilient, and empowered individual you are becoming.
Consider taking the True Nature Energy Quiz to start your journey of reclaiming your essence and self-trust so you can cultivate healthy relationships that thrive in intimacy, connection, and love.
It's the first step to becoming calm, confident, and trusting in relationships again. Your true courage lies in embracing your authentic self, and that's a journey worth taking.
xx,
Parinaz
Take the free True Nature Energy quiz Here: www.parinazshams.com/quiz
Sadly, I think most marriage regrets were really about the wrong person* I know mine is. You think that the other person is going to put equal amounts of work into the marriage. Unfortunately that rarely ends up being true. Even for those of us who try to keep their vows. Staying with that person through thick & thin, often becomes an endless exercise in self delusion & at times emotional torture. One can't always know ahead of time that the partner they have chosen & love will not do their share in the marriage partnership. Leaving one partner always being the one to compromise, & making all the effort. Catching my partner cheating on me was the beginning of…